The World Loses.

Fuckity fuck and fuck fuck damn. Can't you find a Democrat with a fucking backbone or wait until at least one result is properly declared before giving up? Graaaaaahhhhh. Home of democracy my fucking arse. Fuck you all who let this happen (right now that includes you, Kerry, you spineless cunt). Excuse my language, but I intend to enjoy the very few years I now probably have left using my breath in as frank a way as possible.

Bush Loses Tomorrow. Please.

Well, after a week and a bit of torpor induced by depression that Treebeard had not done enough to convince the States that he could replace Saruman's Orcish warriors in the White House, it seems that the wooden man has done it. Our legions of Rove confusion otters are clapping in unison at the prospect of a defeat. All the exit polls are looking good for Kerry. We rejoice. and we offer anyone who is still to vote these links:
Bush Loses neo-cons
Scary Vote problems
and, of course, the wonderful:
Daily Show

Sleep well. If you can. We can't. We have caught sniffles and ain't happy, but are all still hopeful.

Bush Loses A Million Women

Houpla! According to Fox News' page which we referred to on 4 October, Bush's approval rating has dropped a percentage point among US women in three weeks. Let's work this out.
The CIA website (which is surprisingly reliable*) says that there are about 119,356,265 women over the age of 16 in the USA. Now, we aren't sure how many of those are of voting age (let's say 19 million are between 16 and 18, probably a bit generous, really), but that's not really important is it? The Fox poll does not take account of registration or intention to vote, as it took "a total sample of 1000 likely voters nationwide."
Huh. So, it's OK to put an approval rating on the main site of the biggest news channel in the US based on about one hundred-thousandth of the population without any statistical checks.
Sounds good to us! Which is why we salute Fox for letting us use their own statistical methods to declare that from 100 million of US women eligible to vote, a whole MILLION of them have decided to drop Bush because of his actions in the last three weeks. If this trend were allowed to continue, then within five years NOT A SINGLE WOMAN in the US would approve of Bush. Even his wife would be statistically forced to vote against him. While it amazes us that anyone supports him in the first place, we once more salute Fox for helping us see that Bush is a Loser. Bush should thank us, for saving his marriage by working our hardest to ensure that he won't be around in five years. Our babushka calculus marmosets have worked well tonight... sleep well, little mothers.


*Did you know most of the CIA and FBI are Democrats? Let's not dwell on that.

Bush Loses the Good Doctor

We were awed this morning when we read Hunter S Thompson's article for Rolling Stone (delivered by our stunt otter postmen).
We are not worthy.
Ted Rall, however, is. As a counterpart to the Doctor's insider's guide, he's got the numbers and arguments.

Bush Loses the horizon

Oh, please stop. ahahahahahahahaha... PLEASE! You're killing us!
We just read that Bush is attacking Kerry for scaremongering and using "the politics of fear".
Oh, ouch. Our sides are haemorrhaging.
Oh, dear. and relax.
"My opponent will say anything he thinks that will benefit him politically at the time ... We will keep the promise of Social Security for all our seniors. We will not have a draft," Bush said.
No, that's right. He won't draft seniors. Young men and women make a more satisfying *SMUTCH* noise when hit by US made weapons used second-hand by Iraqi militants than seniors do, I'm sure. Thankfully, we have managed to ensure that our crack force of trouser tailor lemurs have inserted thermometers into GW's undies and can reveal that at the time he made this speech, his pants were reaching very high temperatures. Pants on fire, some might say. Let's just check that none of the Bush junta is scaremongering or even profiteering from an illegal war fought on false premises. Check complete. Bush, Condi, Wolfowitz, Rummy (and Powell, we are sorry to say, he just seems misled - anyone seen him recently?) and Rove all have arses with serious third-degree burns.

Bush Loses Barbie

It finally happened. George Bush, the ultimate puppet has finally screwed up the US economy so badly that even that great symbol of US cultural imperialism, Mattel's Barbie is causing its parent company problems through poor sales the causes are clearly twofold:
Internationally, people across the world are boycotting US products. Oh, yes we are, it's just that no-one told you yet. Domestically, the US economy is utterly screwed thanks to the knuckle-dragging idiot who pretends to be in charge. Look at these graphs. This is the White House site. Not a spoof. It tries so hard to do a little cheerleading, but even its OWN GRAPHS show they've cocked up. Look at that first one. They've almost doubled spending on "Homeland Security" (must be all the drugs they are pumping into Guantanamo prisoners) this year. Look at the next one: Deficits as a percentage of GDP. They've tried to make it look good, but look, the current deficit is a full 100% higher than the 40 year average. Don't forget that the average is only that low because Republican presidents have ALWAYS lost control of the economy, and relied on Democrats to sort it out later.
Try to find a graph on any republican site that can refute that and we'll send you a trained loris. Anyway, the predictions are that the deficit will shrink. We agree with that. You know why? C'mon? You do... That's right, because they know Kerry is going to win, and he'll stop being such an idiot as Bush and tidy up just like every Democrat President always does. So, even from The Executive Office of the White House we have proof that they know what we know: Bush will Lose. Hurray!
We're now off to dance with our jiving lorises safe in the knowledge that they are staying right here.
Cheer up! Only a month to go before we're rid of the little bastard.

Bush loses the ferret vote

*Loseflash*
The Bush Loses hovercar stalled and crashed into the Baltic when the urine from a thousand members pissing themselves with laughter seeped into the controls . Why? They were watching this on the widescreen Pleasure-O-Matic we recently installed.
*Loseflash ends*

Bush Loses three debates in succession

OK, enough rage, let's just start taunting again. In order to try and calm us we have hacked into the genome project and quickly patented and cloned the Angora Tapir which not only provide soothing wuffles on demand, but also the hair for lovely soft sweaters. We feel better now.
Apeboy had fun the other day by trying to defend the illegal almost-unilateral invasion of a sovereign country by reminding the next President that he had forgotten Poland. Not that we have anything against Poland, you understand, , we warmly welcome them and their sausages to the European family, but for a statement of policy and support for the most powerful nation on Earth, it's kind of lame. Lamer than a giant centipede walking over broken glass.
The next exciting news comes via the wonderful BoingBoing which keeps everyone updated on all things geek. Apparently, it's clear that Bush is now bionic! In the same vein as Neal Stephenson's Interface a presidential candidate has been hardwired to have his answers spoken to him directly into his brain. This miracle of miniaturisation as exposed when someone noticed a hunch on his back and remembered the Muzak speech commemorating D Day.
Here are the debates in .torrent form.
Because we love you all so much, we thought we'd share the product of our own cyborg projects. So enamoured were we with the Angora Tapirs, we thought we would replace the Bradley M1A1 Wildebeest which guard our Fortress of Solitude with a new generation of

Sniper Tapirs. They love you, but hate Bush. Why? Because Bush Loses.

Bush Loses loses its temper

**The fluffy quotient of the Bush Loses campaign has been temporarily stored in jars borrowed from the local WI. We apologise for an outbreak of seriousness.**

Today it has been revealed that mass graves have been uncovered in northern Iraq. These appear to contain the remains of thousands of Iraqi civilians killed by Saddam. Leave aside the fact that they were probably killed by weapons that we bought on Saddam's behalf via the ECGD. This is appalling, and truly deserves a war crime investigation. The area has been designated a crime scene. Such a shame then that the sovereign government of Iraq repudiated the need for an international criminal court several years ago. What amazes the Bush Loses team right now is that had the Halliburton government not torpedoed an internationally ratified tribunal for trying such crimes, then perhaps they might be able to bring the perpetrators to justice. Perhaps they are worried that if such issues came to light in court, the war crimes they themselves colluded in by burying alive Iraqi conscripts in mass graves might come back and bite them on the arse. Hussein and the Ba'athists were undoubtedly evil. When the most powerful government in the world stoops to imitating such evil, and ensuring that they can't be prosecuted for it, it is time to get rid of them. Please, if any US citizen is reading this, we understand that the removal of Saddam (even if we think the means were wrong) was probably a good thing; the removal of your government would be also be a good thing. Get rid of Bush. He must lose, because he is not in charge of the country, and so should not be allowed to be in charge of the rest of the world.

Bush Loses Calculator

The Bush Loses beekeeper battalion have been buzzing in and out of Bush Loses Central today to keep us updated on their training of hive minds. It appears we mistakenly attributed a loss of mendacity on the part of Rumsfeld to Cheney yesterday. It doesn't matter, of course, as we all know these Bonesmen are all indistinguishable - as they are all part of an evil Wasp cloning programme. This set us thinking. What better way, we thought, of countering Wasp cloning than with clever beehives. So, in between screaming "I'm covered in bees!" our crack squadron have managed to let us know that the counterstrike has been a success. Information has been gathered by the mathematical parallel processing power of of the BL bees which astounds even us. One of the main attacks by the God Orful Party on Kerry is that he wants to spend a lot of money. Damn it! Apparently promising to spend money has never figured in an election before, so according to the Repugnicans* this is a BAD THING. The bees have been busy as... um... well, they've been busy. They digitised themselves, swarming round the interweb and turned up a little known fact** that, since wresting power, Mr Bush has lost more than seven times the maximum amount they can trump up against Kerry. Hmm. So, spending bad? Bush very bad man by his own party's criteria. The bees also give us nice cherry blossom honey from George Washington's own cherry tree. Excuse us, but it's time for our Freedom Scones. Sleep well.



*thanks to honorary Bush Loses member Ted Rall for the new name
** little known to cave dwellers and idiots

Bush Loses Steam with Dick

It seems that not only is Bush Losing the election but that he is also losing control of his running mate. After admitting that he had never seen any evidence of a connection between Saddam (who we established and funded as an ally to scare the reds) and Osama (who we established and funded as an ally to scare you), he signally failed to pull off the manoeuvre that kids are calling "doing a Lindy". Under the Rumsfeld gambit, no Lindies count if they are not perpendicular to the body and if they do not involve tobacco products. So, we have to broaden our category. Cheney Loses, too.
Also, now having lost the ability to be 'brief and salty' in reprimanding people in his favourite manner, he has apparently had to find a new way to let off steam. Yes, God himself (possibly aided buy the Bush Loses mole machine manned by real moles) has allowed Dick to vent himself right across the continent. Bystanders cleared from Mount St Helens on retiring to local B&Bs heard the comforting words "Go Tuck Yourself" echoing around the area.
Eat your fibre, nail your colours to the mast. Remember everyone else spells colours that way. These letters don't run. We have been the ever fluffy Bush Loses. Goodnight.

Bush loses support across all sectors of the US

**UPDATE FROM FROM REPUBLICAN PROPAGANDA CHANNEL***
According to the media wing of the Bush administration, Fox News, Bush has lost support from ALL constituencies in the past three years. That's right, as well as losing the economy even more money than any president in history by putting in another tax cut (he knows Barney's poo poo is solid gold, and that he can fill the treasury with that instead), he has lost the support of his supporters. The poll shows that 38 per cent of all US men, 39 per cent of all US women and even 6 per cent of Republicans think that he has done a worse job in the last three years of his job than he did in the first. There's a damning indictment for ya. Thanks, Fox, for doing our job for us. You truly are great Democrats.

Slightly Damp Bush Loses

You may have noticed that there has been a brief lull in this blog. The reason for this is that our cheerleaders, pilots and SCUBA divers have all been aboard the Bush Loses submersible for a week and have spent a while in decompression. The reason for this subaquatic folly? Well, we've been doing a bit of digging and filling to ensure that the volcanic range of the Aleutian trench is now aligned and ready to spew forth magma in early November and create a whole new set of Bush A-loses-tion islands which will spell out our favourite phrase for all to see across the North Pacific. Hurray!
So, what has being going on with all ye landlubbers while we've been fiddling with the crust?
There's the very clear way in which Bush lost the big debate, lost his cool, hell, he just lost it completely.
Member G of FLA has made sure that we point out these gems of Bush lossiness, and wouldn't it be nice if just one Florida man (other than a supreme court judge in the employ of GW... or Jeb) swung this election. Grant, we salute you!
What else? Mr Baz A points out that the majority (by area) of the North American landmass wants to makes sure Bush Loses.
Of course, when you look at the polls, you get an awful lot of people who won't be voting. When Newsweek asked those who are registered to vote (and that registration closes REAL soon, guys), they said one clear thing. Guess what it was? Oh, dance, dance monkey boy, your time in the limelight is nearly over. The Bush Loses cheerleaders are ready to dance with you.
STRIKE UP THE BAND!

Bush Loses Second Consecutive Day

We hope the lovely dawn chorus roused you from your bed this morning. You are still alive, unlike the many people who have had to die to keep GW in power, so rejoice in your good fortune. As it stands, we are seeing an upsurge in support for acceptance that Bush loses. Small fliers have been hidden in your sock drawer, and nametags reading "BUSH LOSES" can now be found in your jim-jams. Sleep well.
Oh, make sure you visit this site before retiring.

The First Full Day of Bush Loses

Just over 24 hours since the campaign's launch and we already have activity in the wider world.
The Flying Fists of Master Grant has summarised the project and links to many examples in which Bush Loses. Many of these have been taken from the original springboard for the project, Barbelith. It is clear that Bush is losing grip on the race in the USA, and it won't be long before Bush Loses. Even those who were once faithful supporters have now realised what a loser he is.
For example:
Bush loses the confidence of Foxnews.com, as they are convinced he can't stop terrorism
Bush loses integrity with voting public as he cheats on advertising rules
Have a good evening. The nightmare will be over in a few weeks. Smile!

Bush Loses Election

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL blog for the wholly unofficial and extremely partisan Bush Loses campaign. There are a lot of people around the world that can't register to vote to get rid of the evil Texas War Monkey, so we hope this will become the heart of a global campaign to use the phrase Bush Loses at every opportunity. We know he's going to lose, so if we all concentrate clearly on that objective we'll make it all a lot more enjoyable and silly than it would have to be otherwise. Imagine picking up a paper in November and seeing the glorious words which will save our world from collapse: "Bush Loses". Nice thought, huh? Keep it with you, think about it at all times. Append it to any phrases you like, and drop it into conversations. Thinking of choosing a new username on a messageboard? Why not stick the magic words on the start? Name your house, pets or children after the rallying cry. You know we're screwed if we don't.